Halloween is quickly approaching. In fact, the festivities have already begun for many folks. Still, here are some safety tips for you to stay alive and avoid being possessed by evil spirits.
As with many things—more when you are younger—your friends may give you dares. Some dares can chase the life right out of you. If your buddies dare you to lie in a coffin and you want to live. Don’t do it. Because lying in a coffin invites death—even if it is for fun.
If you decide to have a good old time in the cemetery, be sure to turn your pockets out and hold your breath. That way no ghosts can hitch a ride in your pocket and evil spirits will not be able to enter your body.
If you see a ghost while you are out having fun. Walk around it nine times and it will disappear. Or you will get so dizzy you will fall over and the ghost may lose interest—sort of like playing possum.
Since evil spirits often disguise themselves as innocuous people or things. Protect your house from that would be witch dressed as a princess by walking around your home backward, counterclockwise before sunset on Halloween. This will ward off any evil spirits disguised as cute little trick or treaters. You neighbors will wonder what the hell you are doing. Depending on your neighbors this may be a good thing.
However, if you want to meet a witch on Halloween night put your clothes on inside out and walk backwards. Doing this may make your friends think you got dressed in the dark while intoxicated, but hey you will come across a witch. That’l show ‘em.
If while out on the trick or treating circuit you hear footsteps behind you—don’t look back. It could be the dead stalking you. Hell, they might even be zombies who got a whiff of that lovely brain of yours.
Bats in or around you house on Halloween are a sure sign that evil spirits and/or ghosts are near. So take care.
If you want some protection from the creepiness on Halloween just find someone whose birthday falls on all hallows eve. Because they have second sight and can warn you of mishaps before they occur. People with Halloween birthdays can also ward off evil spirits.
But seriously, have a fun and safe Halloween. (Yes, you can be safe and have fun simultaneously.). I hope this parody has brought a little chuckle to your day.