Exercise in futility

Looking for something that is not there? How do you know when it is happening? Surely there are clues. Maybe while you are concentrating on making things happen you have lost sight of what is best.

Could it be that we have heard so many stories about people who made it in the eleventh hour? Performing a Google search will support the idea that we have to keep going in order to be successful in business, life and relationships.

But what happens when the answer is to let go and we refuse to understand or act on it? Sometimes it is necessary to let go and start anew. Sometimes the success is in moving on. As much as we want, wish or desire there are simply some things that cannot be changed to the outcome which we desire.

A business idea may be an utter failure, a house may be too expensive, a relationship may have a material flaw. Certainly there are times in all of our lives that we look back on and wonder what we were thinking by hanging on to something that was against our best interest.

Understand that when I write about “giving up” as some surely will interpret this post—I am actually speaking of shifting toward something that is better for us. Sometimes it seems like a paradox. Sometimes in order to grow and reach our full potential we need to stop the effort we are making.

I remember thinking if I keep going in this business, things will change we will get more customers. It will work. It is a franchise. It has worked for others. If it does not work for me, it’s due to my shortcoming. But now I see other franchisees had to give up their “protected” territory because although the business was pitched by the franchisor as something that could be done anywhere the size of the city mattered.

I remember being a wreck when my first husband decided to tell me he wanted out. (nine months after he had been telling all his friends and seeing someone else.) But now I am SO glad that marriage ended. Because husband 2.15 is committed (sometimes should be committed), and understands that relationships are hard work—meaning they require effort.

Sometimes that stubborn waistline won’t go away because you refuse to give up flavored cream in your coffee (which can add up to 7.3 pounds in a year).

Please note, there is a distinction between giving up and accepting circumstances. Certainly folks who have their lives disrupted or changed need to come to accept the change at some point in order for them to move on.

For instance, ever since my auto collision in 2004 I have had more than my fair share of chronic migraines. I can sit and boohoo about it (sometimes I do) or I can change my lifestyle and adapt to the new variable. For instance, watching my posture, eating at regular intervals, and working less hours all make a difference for me.

The strongest people adapt. They are problem solvers. They are also critical thinkers and are able to make a cost benefit analysis in order to ascertain if an action is worth pursuing or continuing. Even then we may decide that something is not an ideal situation but we accept it—in the moment and understand that we can take steps to change things in the future.


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